Thursday, May 14, 2009

Jokes of the Day

1. A bank worker calls a colleague.

"Hey, how's it been going?"

"Not so bad."

"Oh, sorry, I've definitely called the wrong number."

2. In the face of the financial crisis, I have bravely stood up and am marching forward! That's because ... I can't pay back my loans and the bank has repossessed my car.

3. A Trader: “This is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my money and I still have a wife.”

4. What’s the capital of Iceland? About $20.

5. The problem with Investment Bank balance sheets is that on the left side nothing is right, and on the right side, nothing is left.

6. There are 30 billion prime numbers below 700 billion. The rest are all subprime.

7. How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.

8. What's the difference between Investment Bankers and Pigeons? The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW's

9. A bank customer goes to their bank:

Bank Customer: Hi, I had this check returned to me. Could you help?

Teller: Sure let me see it. Ah, right here, it says "Insufficient Funds"

Bank Customer: "I know, I just wasn't sure if you were referring to me, or the bank."

10. An elderly lady receives an e-mail from the son of a deceased (but wealthy) African general, asking whether he could transfer millions of pounds into her bank account in return for a 20% cut. All the son needs is the sort code and account number. Not realizing she is the victim of a Nigerian 419 fraud, she e-mails back the details. A couple of minutes later she receives an e-mail back from the general's son: 'Citibank'! What is this, some sort of scam?"

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